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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  August 4, 2011 6:55pm-7:25pm PDT

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ah, that was fun. don't mess with me ever again. so proud of you, baby! you know i do what i do. [music playing] j.d.! what the hell were you doing in there? i don't know. i guess i was just pissed off 'cause you'd cancel your plans for melody but not for me. she was only in town for a couple of days. i get it, i'm an idiot. it's just that, elliot, when was the last time we made any time for each other? we used to be so close, and... it just doesn't feel like we are anymore. look, you know what it's like when you're in a relationship. not to mention work. plus, turk's your best friend and carla's my best friend. i want to be turk's best friend and your best friend. i just don't want to lose you.
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then we'll both try harder. [door opens] melody: take me over to them. come on, now, mush! j.d.: i guess all relationships have to evolve. [whistles] gandhi, incoming. mr. randolph's nissen fundoplication, it's all yours. j.d.: there's nothin' you can do to stop it, even if you wanted to. keith? elliot. i didn't go home to see my family. i went to see your father to ask his permission to do this. oh! elliot... will you marry me? [door opens] [melody gasps] no way! j.d.: yep... such is life.
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from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show," everybody. my name is jon stewart. we have a good show. we have a good show. our guest tonight, austan goolsbee. [laughter] that's my crypt keeper impression. "goolsbee." all right. turns out you were right the first time. all right. we often hear about how divided our country is and just how hostile the opposing parties in our political debate have
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become and the fear these divisions are so entrenched as to be permanent. well, i'm going to show you something right now. >> six-year-old lucy magnum is the brave little girl who nearly lost her right leg last week after a five-foot shark attacked her. >> now this little girl, little lucy magnum, says she forgives this wild beast. look at this. >> did you forgive that nice shark? >> [inaudible]. >> she said, "he really didn't mean to do it." [audience reacts] >> jon: and even if that little girl is, quite frankly, wrong about the shark... [laughter] because i'll be honest with you, i'm pretty sure that shark meant to do that. [laughter] if natural enemies like a little girl and shark, who have been fighting, as you know, for centuries -- sometimes the shark winning, sometimes the little girls winning -- if they can find forgiveness in this age-old battle, isn't it possible that
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our political leaders, whether they be democrats, whether they be republicans, oh, yes. [laughter] that they can come together in a shared feeling of... no! what are you doing? no! noooooo! [laughter] i don't know why the trunk would waggle in that kind of manner. that was my fault. i probably shouldn't have put the two of them in the same box like that, but my point is this. the news that washington had come to an agreement over the raising of a debt ceiling has not eased partisan tension. even as the president signed the legislation, a signing done in private, or as some might say, "hiding," i think we still have the audio, though. can we... >> mother [bleeped], god "the
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sleep easy solution." cram it up their ass sideway, goddamn. [laughter] >> jon:, i don't know why the white house released that. [laughter] but while the vicious childish almost completely unnecessary debt ceiling battle has taken its toll on all americans, the protracted nature of this debate has been especially hard on our senior citizens. well, on one senior citizen in particular. >> for me personally i've been here far long time. i have a home in nevada. and i haven't seen it in months. my mom granite trees are, i'm told, blossoming and the pomegranates on them. i have fig trees and roses and stuff i just haven't seen. [laughter] >> jon: your pomegranate and fig trees are... what are you, the sultan of reno?
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[laughter] sometimes the myth of eucalyptus would settle over my pistachios and my harem would prepare me a plate of candied dates and polish my cup of slot machine tokens. still, after all the shouting was done, the important thing is we got a deal. the country has finally got its spendling and debt under control. >> this is how much our debt was going to rise before the compromise deal, nearly $29 trillion in ten years. this is how it looks afterwards. the black shows how much of the overspending will be cut, down to $26 trillion. [audience reacts] [booing] >> jon: that's what this whole [bleeped] thing was about? this whole brouhaha according to diane sawyer's parallelogram of
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disappointment managed to remove one chocolate shaving from our dairy queen gut-buster sundae of debt. >> they're calling it the super committee. >> it has superpowers. >> a dozen members of congress. >> evenly divide between republicans and democrats. >> charged with finding $1.5 trillion in deficit savings. >> a super committee. >> a super congress with super powers. >> the super committee deals with everything. >> jon: our prayers are answerrered. america's own legion of doofs, but which of our leaders has powers far above those of mortal legislators. it might include harry reid, aka the senator drone. he'll talk to you about things for a long time. senator jon kyl, the trickler. his golden stream of protection shields the rich. i'm sorry, the job creators.
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oh, look, it's professor kvetch, drowning out opponents with his supersonic whine. the gentleman from new york would like to recognize... senator john mccain, or old man man. bitten by a radioactive even older man, old man man always gets his way and any balls that happen the land in his yard. together with some other people, they are the super committee. [laughter] but can even the super committee save congress at this point from congress's archenemy, the american people? >> new poll numbers just out, looks like the country feels like washington has acted like a bunch of spoiled children. >> 17% believe that elected officials acted like responsible adults. 77% say elected officials who dealt with the debt ceiling crisis have acted like spoiled children. >> the pollsters tell us
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americans are using words like "ridiculous," disgusting, stupid, childish, disappointing and a joke to describe their elected representatives. >> jon: others merely belched or farted into the phone. one outraged citizen mailed in a dead rabbit. [laughter] for more on public suspectment towards washington, we're joined by the best [bleeped] public mood gaugers on television. jones, bee and cenak. let's do this. [cheering and applause] all right. we're going to start with you. jason jones, in every poll we're hearing americans describe congress in terms like stupid, childish, disgusting. your thoughts? >> well, americans are a forgiving bunch. i see congress more as a bunch of monkeys high-fiving each other in celebration, having forgotten that mere moments ago they were throwing their own feces. now they can't figure out why they're all covered in each
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other's turdz. >> jon: so to boil congress down to a word? >> [bleeped] covered monkeys. one word. no spaces. >> i'm sorry, jon. i'm going to have to break in here. >> jon: all right. sam bee. >> i think jason gives them too much credit. even a room filled with [bleeped] covered monkeys would eventually design a more thoughtful and rational deficit reduction plan than what we're seeing. no, the events of recent weeks can be summed up in a single word. deis-schmerzen-mutter-tooben. >> jon: deis-schmerzen... >> it is a german word for the sense of december spare one feels watching a beloved grandparent accidentally strangle themselves with a garden hose that you bought them for their 50th wedding anniversary. [laughter] >> jon: how often do germans need the use that word?
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>> well, you'd be surprised. and that surprise is called shocken-dooble. oh, gosh, it's a beautiful language. >> jon, if i could please step in. >> jon: wyatt cenak. >> to characterize congress as a bunch of monkeys or a german emotion fails to capture the sense of betrayal americans feel towards their politicians. some things are so horrible mere words can't express them. jon jon how would you describe our political leadership? >> with the wonderful language, jon. interpretive dance. [cheering and applause] >> if the majority were serious about deficit reduction, they would allow revenues. >> put something on the table. >> at the expense of the education of our children.
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>> the problem is that we spend too much. >> the rich will feel no pain. >> my pomegranate trees are i'm told blossoming. [cheering and applause] >> jon: we'll be right back. >> i'm going with [bleeped] [cheering and applause]
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>> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight is the outgoing chairman of the council of economic advisers. please welcome back to the program austan goolsbee. sir. [applause] look at you. so what is it now? your title was... tell me your title. >> still is chairman of the council of economic advisers for two more days. >> jon: and in two day, what do? >> i pack the stuff up in the moving van and... >> jon: new york i understand that. but are you going to another job? >> well, yeah, i'm going to create a private sector job back at the university of chicago business school where i teach. so i'm going back. >> jon: will that count towards your job creation record
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or... >> i hope so. [laughter] >> jon: look at you. can we get a shot of his face. >> no. >> jon: you are giddy. >>ly admit that there's some enjoyment that i'm getting out. >> jon: you're giddy. is the pressure of working within government so palpable? is it... >> i've moan the president a long time. he was a professor at the university of chicago and then that's where we knew each otherment i've been doing this for probably four and a half years. once you get to washington, there's only so long you can go. there are a number of people there whose tray tables are not in the full upright and locked position. eventually, you know, you've got to get on with it. so look, i just feel bad. the president's got to say that. >> well, you know, he doesn't
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have. to if he wants to, you know, let's maybe try and deconstruct what it is about the place that may suck your soul out. i think it's interesting. you had said something very interesting which is you studied economics. you studied job creation, and then you go to washington and the frustration is that all those things that... it would be like being a doctor and then you go to a place to practice medicine and they go, actually new york, we just do a dance and drink cocoa, that's how we solve that. >> that's not the healthiest. look, what i would say is whatever were the words that the poll, ridiculous, disgusting, what have you about the debt ceiling debate, the last thing we needed, we've taken some heavy blows so far this year, oil prices, the stuff from europe, the disaster in japan in addition to being the human cost had this impact on our economy. we got to get back to the growth agenda and the president for the
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month of june, it was with the entire focus about u.s. manufacturing, he did half dozen events at different factories, all of us members of the cabinet went out to different events. we focused on policy, foreign, direct investment. no one paid attention. it was all who pounded their fists the loudest and what color was their tie. that's part of washington... that part of washington is... >> jon: to be fair, going out to companies is another form of... it's still just propaganda to some extent. it's not policy. it's look at me, i'm in a factory. i'm going to shave people's hand, congratulating them on still having jobs. that doesn't make any sense either. >> look, it's fair that a way to demonstrate... we're going to
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have policies, so there are a number of things we can do in a bipartisan basis. which i still... the naive part of me, why don't we just do those. both parties agreed on free trade agreements that we could do an infrastructure bank that takes a little bit of money. >> when we come back we'll talk about the... we'll deconstruct it a little bit, talk about the exact things we could do. that's the way to do this. look at you. i feel like you should have a baby pacifier and some glow sticks. it's like you've taken ecstasy. i'm going home, [ shapiro ] at legalzoom, you can take care of virtually
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from austan goolsbee, the outgoing chairman on the committee of economic... i don't know what you call it. so here's where... so we're talking about the president wants to go out and focus on manufacturing and the growth agenda. we want to get back to it. here's where it falls apart for someone like me. so the president says to us for quite a while, the only way to grow the economy is the stimulus, and so we pour a ton of stimulus in, and he says, this worked. we grew two million... we did... this stimulus is great. it's gotten us back on track. so now i agree, let's cut everything, like isn't that the... >> i don't think that's exactly
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what happened. if the stimulus was what worked, why would the next step be the opposite to the stimulus? >> i would say two things about that. one, the design, the recovery act, why we had to rely on the government is the private sector is in freefall. you couldn't say, ah, we're going to pass a tax credit, try to get the private sector to lead the recovery in the spring of 2009 everything is going down the tubes. we're just trying to prevent a depression. >> okay. >> now, if you look at this debt deal, we have to address long-run fiscal imbalances in the country, and this is a substantial cut to the deficit. >> jon: i saw the chart. >> well, we'll disagree. >> jon: are you questioning my parallelogram? >> i'll give you that. look, $2 trillion is... i don't think there's ever been a bigger cut to the deficit than that.
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something like 1/1,000th of the money is in the year 2012, and that's by design. if you're going to go cut $500 billion right now, you would likely add another heavy blow to the economy, which becouldn't afford. though i might also add, despite some members of the government saying, well, maybe a default would be okay, it would-be -- wouldn't have been okay. the treasury sends out 80 million checks. we would have been... >> jon: would we have paid our creditors and then just gone into like i guess you call it the fetal position? >> well, it depends. when they said we wouldn't default as long as we paid the chinese and paid the bondholders, to not pay the military in a war, to not pay social security for the retiree retirees... you're defaulting on the american people. >> jon: they weren't even talking strategy and insurgency. they were wondering in afghanistan, are we getting paid. they were asking me, and i
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didn't bring my wallet. [laughter] the thing is what's good about getting this debt screelg discussion out of the way, we're addressing some of the long-term fiscal challenges. but it allows us to get back to let's stop paying attention to what kind of eyebrow cuttings do the members of congress have and what have you. let's get back to the business of the country, which are, as we were saying before the break, look, let's pass an infrastructure bank where it takes only a little money from the government, it will everyages private capital. we can build out the infrastructure that we need to compete against other nations. >> jon: that seems perfect because that's the one place where you can't actually hire, outsource chinese workers to come and build our bridges. we have to do that. >> and it's important if you talk to... this is a place where both labor and the chamber of commerce agree. they're saying, we need more economic infrastructure in the country. we have a patent bill that would
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allow entrepreneurs to get... instead of waiting three years, which is how long it takes on average to get a patent, we can get it down to one year. you can get an answer so you wouldn't be broke before you got it. >> jon: that speaks to a larger issue. does the president believe business is overregulated? does he think we are bureaucratically so snafued and entangled that that is the problem with the economy right now? >> as a general matter, no. though there certainly are individual things that could be done different and streamlined where, you know, they have to submit paper forms. they can't do it on the web, you know, things of this nature. but the president said from way back when, just being for rules of the road doesn't make you anti-market. what we saw in the financial system, what we saw in oil drilling in the gulf and a bunch of places, ripping up the rules of the road, we're devastating two businesses. it wasn't just that it was bad for society, it was bad for
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those companies that nobody was following the rules of the road because when you lose public trust, you don't have it. >> jon: i want to thank you for all the times you've come on this show and let me like basketball on at you because you are a professor of economics and you know a lot of things. and i have sat here through numerous appearances and talked out of my ass, and you have never once... >> that's not true. you're selling yourself short. >>jon jon oh, now we're back to short. is that it? [laughter] you are, i swear to god, you are as giddy as a schoolgirl. >> people from chicago, you get that in your bloodstream. we're like the salmon or somethingment i'm jumping out of the lake. i'm headed home. >> jon: i'm not going to tell you what happens after they go upstream. i don't want to spoil your party. >> the atlantic salmon. >> jon: austan goolsbee, we wish you well. e
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