tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS December 11, 2020 11:35pm-12:37am PST
area. have a great and a safe weekend. we'll see ya. captioning sponsored by cbs >> reporter: it's an election scandal with allegations of illegal voting and thousands of ballots being dumped in the dead of night. new zealand's "bird of the year" competition has been rocked with revelations a slew of fraudulent votes streamed in overnight for the little spotted kiwi, which pushed it into an unexpected and false lead. ( trump speaking ) >> we're all deeply disturbed and upset by the lying, cheating, robbing, stealing that's gone on with our election >> stop the steal! stop the steal! ( trump speaking ) >> and they're trying to convince us that we lost. we didn't lose. they found a lot of ballots in democrat-run nests.
( booing ) and there is tremendous evidence of fraud. we have a little video to play, please. >> it is very important that everybody vote >> but how do you vote? >> why don't you come in and see, >> oh, okay. ( trump speaking ) >> they give this big bird status that he doesn't deserve. he's a fake bird. there's a man inside of the bird outfit, okay. it's all a lie. which means i won "bird of the year" by a lot. >> it's a late show with stephen colbert. keeping up with the kiwi, a look at stephen's trip to new zealand with an all-new interview with peter jackson. featuring jon batiste and stay homein. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater's office building in new york city, it's stephen colbert!
>> stephen: welcome to "a late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. as you know, we are now in month nine of the coronavirus lockdown here in america, which is why i'm still not back in my theater and don't have an audience, and have resorted to using old sitcom sound effects to make me feel less alone. ( ooooh! >> stephen: thank you, sympathetic audience from "designing women" in 1987. you always make me feel like delta burke. and i might not have a real audience for a while, because coronavirus infections in this country are at the highest they've ever been. and because of that, there are still massive travel restrictions for americans all around the globe. for example, without a test, i'm banned from entering the country of chile. and i can't go to my local chili's. and i am banned from eating chili. that's not covid-related. that's just an agreement i have with my co-workers. all of these travel restrictions got me thinking about my last big trip last year, when i traveled down under, then a bit
over to the right, for my special series, "the newest zealander." and i really wish i could be down there now because, as you may have heard, they have had one of the most successful pandemic responses in the world. with a population of roughly five million people, so far, new zealand has had just 25 deaths and roughly 2,000 cases-- or as america calls it: a white house christmas party. well, since i can't return to new zealand in person, tonight, i'm going to return in my memory. and, luckily, my memory comes with a lot of videotape. you see, after last year's trip, there was just too much exciting footage to show it all. in fact, there was so much extra material that earlier this year, we began gathering new segments and recording behind-the-scenes features to put together a special. but when the pandemic hit, we had to stop down and save all of that stuff until the time was right time. which is apparently... never going to arrive. so we decided to do it tonight. we're revisiting those bygone
times and celebrating new zealand with a special episode i'm calling "return to new zealand: a magical land where hugs still happen." kia ora! new zealand has so successfully contained transmissions that much of life there has all but returned to normal, and they are even safely attending sporting events and crowded music festivals. but this is still new zealand, so those crowds are mostly sheep. so, how has new zealand successfully contained the virus while other countries struggled? well, for starters, they have an advantage of being a small, remote island nation. it's much easier to control entry when you only border the ocean. and transmission rates are very low amongst giant squid. but a lot of the success has come down to new zealanders themselves. in fact, according to the medical journal "lancet public health," the keys to new zealand's success have been decisive governance, effective communication, and high population compliance-- though,
the u.s. came close with just zero of those three things. and much of the credit for decisive governance goes to new zealand prime minister and seashore detective, jacinda ardern. of course, i've long been a fan of prime minister ardern since she personally invited me to visit, picked me up at the airport, drove me around auckland, and then invited me to join her family-- and lorde-- for a barbecue. that's right, i was greeted by the prime minister and the nation's biggest pop star. your move, justin trudeau and michael buble. so, i was already impressed by the prime minister. but my admiration went up a notch when i learned that she had handled the pandemic with a strategy that relies on "science and empathy," both things our current president considers a hoax. early on in the pandemic, she closed new zealand's borders to nearly all nonresidents and instituted "a lockdown so severe that even retrieving a lost ball from a neighbor's yard was
banned." that's how thorough her plan was. it even included laws that only apply to dennis the menace. now, if you're thinking that america could learn something about dealing with the pandemic from new zealand, you're not alone. last month, prime minister ardern said she put president-elect biden in touch with new zealand's health officials in order to share tactics of how to battle the pandemic. ( as biden ) "thanks for the help, jacinda ardern. we should team up and call ourselves 'joecinda' or 'bi-dern' or something cooler, like 'the go-getters!' come on!" jar, cinda. jacinda ardern is so good at multitasking, she actually gave birth to a daughter while she was in office. and then-- and this is the shocking part-- she did not immediately make that child responsible for negotiating middle east peace. and recently, her handling of the pandemic lead ardern to an impressive landslide reelection. but even more impressive is that, despite having to delay the election due to covid and
having a ballot referendum on euthanasia, new zealand's election season was reportedly "low key," "not a horror show," and "even boring." oh, boring... doesn't that sound exciting? honestly, new zealand sounds like a perfect place right now. not only is it safe and has compassionate and capable leaders they're also filming a "lord of the rings" series that might contain nudity. of course, real "lord of the rings" fans like me don't need to see these characters nude when they've been imagining them that way since smild school. nice ass, smeigel. you didn't think i was going to say smeigel. you thought i was going to say aragorn or somebody easy. i am hopeful new zealand might be our future, our normal, full-contact future. here's a fun fact: they're actually 18 hours ahead of us.
they are literally living in tomorrow. and also they're hopefully living the life we here in america could be living. a magical life of civicking for the common good. let's hope we catch up on that one very soon. as for now, let's return to new zealand by the magic of video. you might remember i bungee jumped off a bridge last october. tonight i want to show you the bnbehind-the-scenes drama of my producers telling me i had to do that because new zealanders invented bungee jumping. upon and it was a life-changing experience. i'm sorry, a pants-changing experience. jim. so, my producers had it in their mind that it would be great for me to jump off a bridge with rubber bands tied to my ankles.
and i saw the appeal of that. understand that you want your star to eventually jump off a 140-meter bridge down toward the gorge, capture the fear on his face for the entertainment of the-- of the-- of the american people. and-- but i warned them that i probably wasn't going to do it because i really don't like heights. okay. that's the bungee bridge? >> yeah. >> that's ridiculous. >> stephen: okay. that's-- that kind of language isn't necessary. i just get this clutching feeling in my groin, and not the good kind. just this terrible cold, empty feeling inside my body when i think about heights. so we land. and we've got this beautiful vista from a distance to look at the bridge to see where i'm going to, you know, spend my last few moments on this planet. and just, cards on the table, i'm not a huge fan of heights-- or drops, really. i am scared. i'm scared. this is-- i-- this is not an act. if you want to know what i'm like without the cameras on,
that's what i'm like. very anxious. okay. let's go, let's take a look. don't stop rolling for any reason, please. i just asked you guys to never stop rolling, you know, to especially capture how much i didn't like it and my displeasure at having to do it. jake, for your piece, for the structure of this piece, it would be good if i jumped off this bridge, right? >> yes. >> stephen: big conclusion of this piece. you and paige, who have worked so hard on this trip, and everybody else. i'm not saying just the two of you. but it would be great, like, climax to this if i jumped off that bridge. >> yes, but-- >> stephen: i have been-- i have been clear with you, though, how i feel about heights, right? >> you've said you're very afraid of them. >> stephen: have i-- i haven't pulled my punches at all like this. >> no. >> stephen: okay. thanks, jake. >> you're welcome. >> stephen: i was afraid i would do it. and i was afraid that i wouldn't do it then we wouldn't have an end to the piece. >> want to get signed in and
take your weight? >> stephen: yep, great, let's get off the bridge. and so i came up with a backup plan on the spot, which is, to have somebody else do it. i think you get two bites of the apple if somebody else jumps with my fleece on or somebody that looks like me. why don't we just dress somebody up in my outfit and that-- that-- that person jumps instead? and we fake it and make it look like me. and chris licht was right there. and i went, "how about you?" how about you jump? >> i'll jump. and he was totally ready to do it, so he did it. that's how you run a show, folks. got to be willing to jump off a bridge. >> five, four, three, two, one. >> stephen: wow. that really looks like i jumped off a bridge.
ugh. so he did it. so, chris jumped. and i said, "how was it?" and he said, "not that bad." and i said, "okay." ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: and so they strapped me in. they sit you down, and they wrap your ankle with a terry cloth towel. i'm expecting some sort of kevlar booty, or something like that. they're just taking, like, something from target and wrapping it around your ankles. i just want to be clear: my safe word is "pumpkin patch." and i assume they know what they're doing. one has to assume that they know what they're doing. what else are you going to do? all right, what happens next? so, i stood up. i went to the gangplank.
>> okay, that's the one. >> stephen: and you're waiting until your toes are just beyond the edge. am i there? >> hand up. eyes up on the bridge. enjoy. >> stephen: and they "five, four, three--" and on, like, "three," the guy put his hands on my back. and i said, "don't push me." don't push me." we edited that out. "don't push me." and then you lean forward and give a little-- a little-- a little bunny hop forward. and then-- straight down. ♪ ♪ as you accelerate, 32 feet per second, per second, the jade water starts to rush. and you close your eyes right when the bungee starts to engage. and then you stretch down. and you pop up. and after that, well, it's-- you know everything's fine.
you know it worked, and you're not going to die. oh, my god. oh, my god. i should have gone to law school. and then they lower you into the raft. and that's the best moment for me is when you're on the bottom of the raft and you're untied, because the sides of the raft are these two big, yellow arms around you, like they're hugging you. and, you know, as terrifying as it was to contemplate, once i did it, i don't ever want to do it again. thanks, stephen! when we come back, i'll take you behind the scenes of my epic day spent filming a "lord of the rings" trailer with peter jackson! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ so, what should we do today? ♪ wow.
can we get some sun? ♪ uh, mom? can we go to the beach? (beep beep beep) should we just go see a movie? yes! i'm always up for a good movie. go rogue in the all-new, fiercely reimagined nissan rogue. and with free curbside pickup at walmart... you can get the perfect gift up until the last minute. let's end the year nailing it. ♪ ♪ ♪
>> stephen: hey, everybody. welcome back to "return to new zealand: a magical land where hugs still happen." it's time to take a look behind the scenes at one of my favorite things i got to do in new zealand-- or in my life, in general. if you've heard me talk for more than five minutes, you probably know that i am one of the biggest fans of "the lord of the rings" that you ever wished you had not asked about it. and new zealand is where academy award-winning writer and director peter jackson filmed all of the movies. because i'm such a fan, jackson actually cast me in "the hobbit: the desolation of smaug" as the character laketown spy. it was the lead role of the film's... six seconds in the middle. let's take a look at my full performance. ♪ ♪ >> stephen: short, but impactful. in fact, that movie came out seven years ago, and to this
day, people come up to me and say, "hey, aren't you stephen colbert?" but i always felt there was more to my character. i mean, if peter jackson could turn "the hobbit" into three movies, i figured the laketown spy had to have enough intrigue and backstory to warrant at least nine of his own. so, while i was down in new zealand, i called up p.j. and pitched him the idea of directing a spin-off based on my character. he said one word: "absolutely." and then a second word: "not." but he did agree to let us use a bunch of his sets and props so we could film our own trailer, and he even agreed to be in it. so join me now for an exclusive never-before-broadcast behind-the-scenes journey into my day filming in hobbiton with peter jackson. ♪ ♪ >> stephen: the village of
hobbiton that they have created is a perfect depiction of the shire. i never wanted to leave. i cannot tell you from whness i came or what my errand may be. know only this: i am called the laketown spy. he is a spy master, so, obviously with the way he looks in the laketown spy getup can't be who he really is. who would he be? what would make sense? look at me. how you would typecast me? and i thought probably argon's brother, garl gorn. this is him. this is him. this is him, right? i am half elf, darrylgorn is half elf. we don't talk about it. this is behind the music of
darrylgorn. i was wearing aragorn's double's outfit, the guy who was the stunt double, and it kind of fit. and the beard. a better beard than i could ever grow. and i looked, good, man. i think i looked a little bit like ian anderson from jethro tull. ♪ aqualung, my friend. don't you start away uneasy ♪ >> stephen: and that unbelievable, unbelievable. kind of sexy, right? its okay, you're not on camera. you can let it loose. totally sexy. it's me! i am... darryl dorn. my manservant was a character named "gratuitous of cameo," come, let us go, gratuitous. >> i'm coming! >> stephen: in every "lord of the rings" movie there is a
gratuitous cameo played by peter jackson and our movies had to be as great as his movies. i think the key to the character gratuitous is that he doesn't know anything about "lord of the rings." he doesn't know where they are or what they are doing, and i love the idea that peter jackson does not take his creation as seriously as his fans do. >> let us journey on to the land known as hogwarts, where we can be sorted by the magic hat. >> stephen: okay, that's "harry potter." >> quidditch, that's middle earth. snow. nothing made me happier than to make p.j. not know anything about "lord of the rings." >> concentrate, young padawan, use the force. >> stephen: come on, man, that is "starwars" >> that weird guy yoda, that is gollum's father. how do you not know this? i'm not sure how surreal it must have been for you folks who were directing peter jackson on the set of hobbiton. >> action! >> stephen: that must have been truly shocking.
it must have been difficult to give peter jackson a note: "no, that's not how you should act on the set of hobbiton." he came up with good bits! >> there are books? ( laughter ) have you not read the book? >> there are books? >> stephen: thanks to peter, we had people working on our shoot who had worked on the film. prosthetics, makeup, wardrobe, property. the dumb things we were doing would only work if everything else was totally beautiful. that was why it was so wonderfully dumb for me, is how much effort had gone in to make it beautiful. oh, a text for me! no biggie. just a message from my besty gandalf, asking me to save middle earth again. i was using by the way--
that sword i am using is "glamdring." that is gandalf's sword from the movies. the actual damn sword that ian mckellan was whipping around in the movies. i was using to stab tree stumps. >> aarrghh! take that! yaaarggh! >> stephen: there should be a law-- i should have trafq darted in the neck. where is everybody? did i mess the battle? we also took darrylgorn as laketown spy up into the mountains around queenstown. ♪ ♪
>> stephen: running as darrylgorn up a hill trying to recreate a scene where we could insert it into the scene where legolas and aragorn and gimli are running across the planes of rohan. hey, guys! i really got a feeling the adventure is downhill. i hear danger that way. i'm going to take care of this part of the mountain. you guys-- you guys go on. i'm cool. i think that is where my watch recorded-- my watch going up to its highest. i am not a healthy man. if you haven't gone for a run in, like, three years, that is not the first run you want to do. one of my favorite things-- and one of the hairier things, too-- was to fly-- oh, yeah-- to the top of a mountain in the southern alps. i've done a lot of stupid things in my life, but dressing up in
that laketown spy outfit and being left alone on top of a glacier on top of a mountain in the middle of the wilderland of the south island is maybe the stupidest thing i've ever done. as a result, it might have been my favorite thing we did down there, because it was hard to achieve, and i think we used five seconds of it? maybe five seconds? can you believe how expensive this shot looks? movie magic. here's a tip: don't walk near cliffs with only one eye. that could be 20 feet away. that could be 200 feet away. ♪ ♪ >> action!
>> stephen: so, anyways, a lot of people think that... nothing could be further from the truth. ( laughter ) here's what actually happened. as a performer, there is nothing i want more than to take someone's beautiful work and make it stupid. and i said, "boromir, i hardly know her." it's a compliment, that's worth making stupid! you like that one? have you heard the one about the guy who milks the ent? you guys smell like peppermint. >> thank you. ( laughter ) >> stephen: even as a dumb joke to be inserted into "the lord of the rings," i have peaked as a performer, as a human, as a tolkien fan, as a peter jackson fan. it is all downhill from here.
oops, sorry. when we come back, never-before-seen footage from my interview with peter jackson, as my celebration of new zealand continues. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ is two houses down any less of a neighbor than the person next door? live here, look out for here. simple. in times of need, neighbors step up for neighbors. we do, too. with a helping hand, and a warm meal. what kind of neighbor would we be if we didn't? ♪ dreya! hey! how are you so good at this? relax. get into it! aw, yeah! i've got it! rated everyone.
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♪ ♪ >> stephen: welcome back to "return to new zealand: a magical land where hugs still happen." as i casually mentioned earlier, while i was in new zealand, i got to spend time filming a movie trailer with academy award-winning writer-director sir peter jackson. close friend of mine. i stayed at his house. we had dinner at the original bag end. no big deal. which is on his property. but i don't want you to think i spent my whole time running around, nerding out over "lord of the rings." i spent plenty of time sitting down, nerding out over "lord of the rings."
so, here is never-before-seen footage from that rare interview with sir peter. thanks so much for having us down here at your studio. >> yeah, you're very welcome. >> stephen: now, where are we? what-- what is this actual space we're in right now? >> well, this is-- this is a secret location somewhere in new zealand. >> stephen: right, got that. >> there's no g.p.s. tracking. >> stephen: nope. all of our phones have been confiscated. >> here's a secret location somewhere-- somewhere in new zealand that houses our miniatures. most of them are from "lord of the rings." so, most of these are getting on for 20 years old. >> stephen: you're a self-taught filmmaker. you started making low-budget horror movies like "dead alive." what was the transition from that to acclaimed oscar-winning director? >> the transition was i-- well, fran was-- fran, my partner-- was interested in a new zealand murder case that happened in the 1950's. and she was-- and so, i started to research it with her, and it became "heavenly creatures," which is kate winslet's first film. so-- and then after that we did "the frighteners." so "the frighteners" was a very early c.g.i. film.
we had about 30 computers. and so, when that film finished, we were still paying these bills. and so, we-- what can we do to keep these 30 computers going? so, i thought, well, i want those fantasy films, but with c.g.i. creatures. bcause "jurassic park" was coming out, and we had the-- the computers to do it. we wondered who had right to "lord of the rings." >> stephen: since i got you, i have a few questions about "lord of the rings." >> oh, my. >> just "the fellowship of the ring." what was the first c.g.i. thing that you created for "lord of the rings"? >> i knew i had to do battle scenes. yeah, huge battle scenes. and in hollywood films, even though, you know, you sort of see these big spectacular epics-- when it-- when it gets to the big crowds, there's really only, like, you know, maybe at the most, 1,000 people, 2,000 people. and, i mean, tolkien writes about helm's deep, there's, like, 10,000 uruk-hai. so, the only way to do that was
to do it in a computer. and so, we created a software called "massive." each of the computer people had their own brain. 7 they have to walk and do their own thing and make their own choices. and it was funny. the very first test, we had, like, 30-- 30 c.g.i. people running it through, is that half of them turned and ran-- ran away. ( laughs ) and they were actually the smart ones. so, we had to mus-- so we had to dumb them down and tell them to stay fighting. you don't turn around, just-- >> stephen: so you don't know how the battle's going to turn out? >> no, no. no, you teach-- so, if you got-- if you got orcs fighting elves, you've got the-- these c.g.i. orcs are taught how to fight like an orc. the c.g.i. elves are taught how to fight like an elf, weapons they use, the sort of styles they use. >> stephen: you're capturing the action, rather than, like, directing. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. no, you are literally not in control of it, no, no. so, you have these huge battle scenes where the-- where these horses, like, in "return of the king," like, six-- 6,000 horses are plowing into this-- into
this field of orcs. and that renders for about three days, and we don't know what it's gonna be like. and we-- we wait and-- ( laughs ) see, what's going to-- because they're all-- the horses are the riders, the orcs, they're all gonna make their own mind up for what they do-- >> stephen: you're baking a cake, and you're not sure how it's going to turn out until it actually-- >> no, no, no. >> stephen: well, is there-- of all those things, of all the-- of the moments that you created in "lord of the rings," and in "the hobbit," is there a scene that you, even after all these years of living with it, you go-- you say to yourself, "i'd like to go back and see that again?" >> i always get asked what-- which is my favorite "lord of the rings" film? which you didn't ask, because you're smarter than that. but what you asked is, what was my favorite scene? which is, actually, which is what i think about. like, i love the mines of moria sequence from "the fellowship." you know, we make-- go through the door and run away through the bridge and get upstairs. i think, i-- you know, i just like that sequence, for some reason. the scene that i think captures a lot of the spirit-- and it was a sort of a late scene, is that we were shooting "two towers," and that was introducing gollum. and a key thing with gollum as
most people know, is that he's smeagol and he's gollum, and it's, like, a split. and they-- but we had got a scene where they really-- where that got sold, where youy got the idea, ah, okay, this guy is two people. so, we knew that we needed it, but we had no time to shoot it. so fran wrote a scene where-- sam and frodo are asleep. so they can be just lumps in the bed-- we don't even have to have elijah and sean-- and a little set. and we didn't have anyone to direct it, so i said to fran, "well, you wrote it. you should go and shoot it." ( laughs ) so, she went in there for a day, and she wrote and directed the scene, which has become kind of pretty famous now. >> you're a liar. and a thief. no. murderer! >> stephen: (whispers) "murder, murder." >> yes, and that was a late thought, because we just realized that we needed it to really sell the idea to the audience. >> stephen: it was two of them. >> of who this guy is. and fran wrote it, wrote and shot it with a tiny crew.
>> stephen: i recently sat down with jacinda ardern, your prime minister. >> yes. >> stephen: and she revealed that she auditioned for "the lord of the rings," and didn't get a part. is that awkward now when you run into her? >> now, do you reckon she was telling the truth? was that? >> stephen: she said-- i mean, i have no reason to doubt-- >> no, no. i-- >> stephen: --the leader of your country. >> no, no, i-- it certainly wasn't a joke. >> stephen: we had her-- we had her audition again. >> you did? >> stephen: yeah. would you like to see her audition? >> oh, yeah. oh, that would be great. >> stephen: here we go. >> if you want him, come and claim him. >> if you want him, come and claim him. >> stephen: boom. would you like to apologize? peter? do the right thing. >> i thought it was great, jacinda. and, clearly, 20 years ago, i made a terrible mistake. >> stephen: okay, you're a big man, for such a small man. >> thank you.
>> stephen: when we return, my celebration of new zealand continues, and i get to participate in a traditional maori haka. it's amazing! i had bruises on my thighs for a week. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (teen) mom... it happened again. (vo) add some thrill to your wish list. at the season of audi sales event. ♪ ♪ ♪ wathis year, try shopping for mchristmas gifts live.
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trying my hand at their national sport, rugby. and i'll sum up how it went in six seconds. >> stephen: what i learned that day is that 90% of the game is mental-- by which i mean, now i know not to play rugby anymore. but i was particularly excited and honored to be coached by members of the new zealand "all blacks," because i've long admired the intimidating maori haka dance they perform to challenge their opponents before each match. and while we aired my rugby lesson, what we didn't get to show you was something even more memorable: the incredible ceremonial welcome that i received from the maori people. ♪ ♪ >> stephen: on my last day in new zealand, i was honored to be invited onto the rugby pitch with a traditional maori welcome
celebration known as a powhiri. >> stephen: maori cultural advisor luke crawford walked me through the various steps, explaining along the way the significance of this incredibly moving ceremony. >> welcome, to you, the people, she's saying." >> stephen: it turned out to be an extremely meaningful way to conclude my trip. i want to thank you for the honor you have given all of us here at wanaka. once properly welcomed by the maori people, i was ready to learn how to perform a haka. mr. crawford, what is the haka? >> so, haka, simply, "ha" is breath. >> stephen: ha. >> breath.
"ka," to set on fire, to light, to ignite. >> stephen: so, to breathe fire? >> to breathe fire. ( rhythmic shouting ) >> stephen: the "all blacks," new zealand's rugby team, have made the ceremonial dance known as "the haka" famous around the world. before each match, they perform an intimidating haka in front of the opposing team. >> it's important we connect to the land, we connect to our people and then we connect to each other. this is who we are. so, haka is so much a part now of rugby, it's very hard to separate them. >> stephen: got it. okay. so would you be willing to teach me a bit of the haka? >> i'd be absolutely honored to teach you your haka. >> stephen: i will do my best. ( laughs ) we started with the foundational basics: leg slapping and foot stamping.
>> and then it will be why, why. so stamp your foot. so that's the first part that gets us ready. >> stephen: and do i say anything, or am i listening? >> the bit you're going to say is now. and this is the important part. >> stephen: got it. >> to personalize it for you, stephen-- i'm going to issue a command. the command will be: ( foreign language ) which means, "let this american party resound, let it resound." and so i'm going to say that. and the resulting call that you'll come back to it will be: will be doing this, here's the action for it: ( foreign language ) now here's the action. ( foreign language ) okay. then we're back into the full body and the foot. we're going to do that three times.
>> tephen: after getting the call and response down, i was taught about the spiritual facial expressions that we often see during a haka. >> we have what's called: ( foreign language ) is eyes, eyes, eyes. ( foreign language ) is tongue protruding. yes, yeah. >> stephen: and, with that, i had the incredible honor of performing my very own haka.
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♪ ♪ >> stephen: welcome back to "return to new zealand: a magical land where hugs still happen." folks, there is no denying the sheer beauty of new zealand's natural landscape. during my visit, i got to experience nearly every geological feature on the planet-- rugged mountains and grassy highlands; beautiful lakes and ocean shorelines; and even stunning, pristine glaciers. but the only thing that struck me more than the magnificent beauty of the country was the graciousness of the people. the kiwis i met were not only warm and welcoming.
they were also fun-loving and creative, strong and talented. and, of course, thoughtful and decisive. there were times during my visit that i had to remind myself of my good fortune. in fact, there was one moment, when i was standing on the peak of an 8,000-fot mountain, looking out at the landscape and, admittedly, having just done three shots of bourbon-- it's a long story about how much i like bourbon-- that i found myself so overwhelmed with gratitude that i wished i could share it with an old friend. just in case we invent time machines i want this message to be sent in a capsule back to myself when i was 29 and having a nervous breakdown about choosing to be a performer for a link. you didn't make a mistake not going to law school. it's all going to work out. you're going to do things with your friends, like go to new zealand and do this, okay. don't freak out. get off the couch. your skin's not on fire. the xanax wasn't working, by the
way. true story. ( laughing ) thanks, stephen. if i could send a message back to that slightly younger version of me from the end of 2019, i'd say, "don't leave new zealand. they figure ow out how to contain this thing that will start spreading around the world in about a month. i know you don't know what i'm talking about and this sounds crazy, but believe me, buy toilet paper. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
does it for "return to new zealand: a magical land where hugs still happen." before we go, i want to again thank prime minister ardern and the people of new zealand for your hospitality. and i'd also like to applaud you all for coming together in the midst of this crisis. it really is inspiring to see. and i hope we can see each other again soon. good night. captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ the late late show, oh, oh the late late show, ooh ♪ the late late show, oh, oh the late late show ♪ oh, oh