. >> jimmy: yep. thank you, everybody [ siren ♪ how fast does dove dry spray actually dry? ♪ let's see. it's dry. there's no dry time! makes us wonder why we booked fifteen-second ad slots! dries instantly and keeps you protected for forty-eight-hours. ♪ her love keeps you centered. show her how much she means to you... with a gift from the center of me collection. happy mother's day from kay. ♪ more than ever, your home is your sanctuary. that's why lincoln offers you the ability to purchase a new vehicle remotely with participating dealers. an effortless transaction- all without leaving the comfort- and safety of your home. that's the power of sanctuary. and for a little extra help, receive 0% apr financing and defer your first payment up to 120 days on the purchase of a new lincoln. they're our neighbors. and they're our friends. they're our parents... our brothers and sisters. and our children. but now, they are more than that. they are forever our heroes, too. at prudential, we're fortuna

: oh, hey, jimmy >> hey, what's up, jimmy how are you doing? >> jimmy: everything's good. in quarantine, you know. how about you? >> i'm just doing whatever you're doing you know get my 1h snack of the dayo >> i know. you want to sing some harmony? one, two, ree. ♪ it's li you're my mirro mirror staring bk at me ♪ >> jimmy: a little pitchy. jimmy: hey, guys, we' doing this thing every favorite videos th people have beeputting online wednesdays."hat aryou doin ♪ we all know everyone's at home so here's at you guys are doing. this first guy is celebrating his birtay this is how you celebrate a birthday right now in quarti, 2020 take a loo ♪ happy birthday to you >> blow out the candles. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well done. and a good audience, by the way, too all those -- all those screens he has there these next two are grandparents i think -- we think they're grandparents either way, they're super cool it's called the garage door challenge. they created a drinkg game using their garage door to raise money and awareness for directreliefrg b

hello taylor. >> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you for joining us. >> it's an honor to meet you. >> jimmy: it's more of an honor to meet you. i understand you've been work being long shifts, huh? >> extremely long shifts. i work nights. there's less staff, and it's tough. >> jimmy: you work what, 7:00 to 7:00? 12-hour shifts? >> yeah, 7:00 to 7:00. >> jimmy: is that a normal shift? have you ever seen anything like this before? >> yeah, so 7:00 p to to to t a normal shift, but have i seen anything like this covid-19 before? we had a crisis in boston? 2013, and i worked in the trauma icu then, and the boston marathon bombing was like huge for our city, and, you know, it was, you know, a catastrophe, but it wasn't the exact same, because this, you feel like you're more susceptible to the illness and everything of the patient. with that, it was just, you know, you didn't have your own worry of you getting sick or your family getting sick. >> jimmy: what is it like at the hospital where you're working? are people on edge? how, how are people holding up there? >> i mean, there's like an overlyi

. >> jimmy: hi. >> guillermo: thanks, jimmy. >> jimmy: there you go. can you take us to 223 liberace lane? thanks. >> so where are we going? >> jimmy: you'll see. yeah. just make a left right here. i think this is going to be a little safer out here. you know? just hang out for a minute. would you mind? >> should i bring the ball? >> jimmy: yeah, bring the ball. all right. okay.? >> j throw the football through that window? >> yeah. >> jimmy: let's see. >> guillermo: you've got this, tom. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very well done. that was impressive. >> thanks. >> whoa, whoa, whoa! what the hell is this? [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh, no. oh, my gosh. >> jimmy. did you do that? >> jimmy: do you live here? >> you know i live here. >> jimmy: i didn't know. >> did you throw that? >> jimmy: no. he did. he threw it. >> i'm sorry. >> jimmy: yeah. >> oh, my god. hang on. hi. i'm -- >> hey. >> it's great to meet you, man. i'm like your number one fan. yeah, matt. matt damon. >> "we bought a zoo." >> jimmy: yeah, he was in that. >> amazing. >> a favorite of mine. >> j

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: what >> oh, my gosh >> jimmy: well, i don't like soft cheese. >> nope. >> jimmy: so, if someone - >> and almost anyone even eating soft cheese is sort of repellent to you slightly. >> jimmy: no, no, no i'm totally fine with everyone doing what they want glopping the stuff on the thing, and glopping it in their mouth. >> glopping and glopping yeah [ light laughter ] that's just no judgment, though, at all [ light laughter ] okay next >> jimmy: all right. that's one that's not bad that's kind of understandable. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: i think. >> all right >> jimmy: i can't think of any other pet peeves right now >> you have so many. but, i will just let that one ride so who has been someone incredibly influential in your life >> jimmy: so many people but i don't know lee, lorne >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: i like those guys. i don't know i call them. i mean, lorne michaels has kind of seen -- he's seen it all. but he's seen me through the beginning of my career through now. >> you've worked with him since you were - >> jimmy: 23 is when i got "saturday night live." 45 now so

hello, anthony. >> hey, what's going on, jimmy? >> jimmy: you're very scruffy. you've got almost a mr. t-length beard going there, huh? >> it's growing, and i'm wearing my swashbuckler shirt, we're reenacting scenes from our favorite movie. i'm black beard in "pirates of the caribbean". >> jimmy: is that what you're doing? >> that's what i'm doing, baby. coming to a screen near you. this is my creative mind working at home. >> jimmy: who are the other characters? >> it's all just castaways. it's all about me, really. >> jimmy: who's with you right now? who's in the house? >> my wife alvena and my sister in law and niece. the children are off in their own homes. >> jimmy: they opted to stay in their own places. >> if i were them, so would i. >> jimmy: your mother is not with you, your mother whom we see often on television. >> she's not with me today, jimmy, but i have been seeing her, lately. >> jimmy: oh? >> we actually shot one of our t-mobile commercials during quarantine in my house. >> jimmy: oh, you did? >> yeah, we did. our latest one promoting qwibby. my

. >> jimmy: yep. well, how about -- also we'd send out "thank you" notes on fridays, don't we? >> yeah. >> jimmy: what did you say, fran >> no. >> jimmy: okay so we do send out "thank you" notes. you want to do your job? >> no, i want to do my job >> jimmy: okay, thank you. all right, can i get some "thank you" note writing music, please franny? >> daddy ♪ >> jimmy: let's just -- there you go thank you so much. ♪ thank you bill de blasio - [ laughter ] winnie do you want to press the screen >> i'm busy coloring >> jimmy: okay yeah, i know franny. guess what i took the boos off of that thing so you can't boo me. [ laughter ] yee, daddy wins again! >> no. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you -- [ gibberish [ blowing raspberry >> jimmy: you could make your own sound effects, i guess yeah all right, let's go. ready? give me some music can you set up, please, guys >> boo [ laughter ] boo! [ laughter ] boo! >> jimmy: how do you -- how did you learn how to do that button >> boo >> jimmy: how did she learn to do that?

>> jimmy: hello, i'm jimmy, and welcome to my house. i'm in mine. you're in yours. is time even moving anymore? i feel like maybe it got stuck. one thing i think we can all agree on after a month of this is that there are too many hours in the day. we need to cut a few of them. whose idea was 24 anyway? i propose we change the length of stays for at least a while anyways, to 14 hours. sleep for seven, awake for seven. that's enough. it would get us through this about 40% faster. that's called thinking outside of the box! this is interesting. walmart, you know that store with the old people in the vests out front? walmart reports that sales of hair clippers and hair color have skyrocketed over the past two weeks. we have now entered the panic-buying grooming products phase. apparently this is a thing. there are phases of emergency-time shopping trends. >> jimmy: week 1: we make a run on the hand sanitizer, soap and disinfectants. week 2: we buy up all the toilet paper. weeks 3 and 4: stores sell out of spiral hams and bakers yeast. week 5: we have a shortage of hair

>> about 60%. >> jimmy: 60%? >> 60. >> jimmy: you were the first one? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how were your symptoms? was it difficult? >> so yeah. so i had a fever for 12 days, nausea, dizziness. it was pretty crazy. >> jimmy: when a nurse gets coronavirus, who takes care of you? >> so my husband, fred, took care of me. he was very good. my parents, they drove from staten island to long island to deliver me groceries. they were very nice to me. >> jimmy: wow. you know they love you if they'll drive from staten island to long island. that is true love. and your parents contracted the virus as well. your husband contracted the virus. is everyone okay now? >> yeah. everyone's good. so we all got through it with no problem. >> jimmy: so we did a little bit of research on you. and we looked into some of your likes. and i know you're a music fan. >> yes. jrp >> jimmy: i'd like to introduce you to somebody, t.j. his name is dave. dave, say hello to t.j. >> [ bleep ]! dave! i'm a huge fan. huge fan. my friend will be so jealous. huge! >> how are you doing? how are

>> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" from my house. tonight on the show, we have a great performance from a very unique band. their new album is called "healer." grouplove, they're going to perform via group chat, so that will be fun. and now, through the worldwide web, you know her from apple tv. she had a show about friends a long time ago. live from her bunker, 500 feet below the surface of the earth, say hello to jennifer aniston, hello. >> hello! >> jimmy: i like the glasses. i'm going to wear mine, too, just to >> to keep up? i could take them off, but i'd be squinting the entire time. >> jimmy: looks good. thanks for with being us. >> i'm so happy to be with you. this isn't the only communication i've been having with human beings. >> jimmy: when you talk to people, are you typically using video chat or the old-fashioned way of just the voice phone? >> there's both. i've been doing both a lot. but i've actually discovered a lot of other options. you know, there's face time, there's all sorts of other ways we can access each othe

. >> jimmy: all right. more with justin timberlake when we come back, everybody when i do that >> there he is there he is. oh, my man my man we'll be back right after this, my man [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ ♪ (vo) command picture hanging strips hold strong and remove cleanly. command. do. no harm. uh, "fifteen minutes could save you 15%ain? or more on car insurance." i think we're gonna swap over to "over seventy-five years of savings and service." what, we're just gonna swap over? yep. pump the breaks on this, swap it over to that. pump the breaks, and, uh, swap over? that's right. instead of all this that i've already-? yeah. what are we gonna do with these? keep it at your desk, and save it for next time. geico. over 75 years of savings and service. at t-mobile, we know that connection is more important than ever. so we're making big moves to help those who need it most. introducing t-mobile connect. a prepaid plan to help keep america connected. starting at just $15 a month, it gives flexibility for uncerta

gaga >> gaga. >> jimmy: i want to thank andy >> andy. >> jimmy: vice >> vice. >> jimmy: president. >> president >> jimmy: joe. >> joe >> jimmy: biden. >> >> and you at home >> jimmy: thank you so much. guys, wash your hands. do not touch your face i'll see you tomorrow, we have new shows all week okay, okay winnie's going to go first go [ unintelligible ] >> jimmy: of course. okay, both you guys. you go on. >> but me first >> jimmy: okay you go on here come on, we've got to end the show i know we'll do it again. we'll go twice wrap around. wrap around -- here we go. no, one leg, not both legs oh, my god ready? everybody, going to go fast. >> too fast! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that was fun ♪ ♪ >> announcer: tonight on "late night with seth meyers" -- chatting cocktails with martha stewart an all new "closer look, featuring the 8 g band with fred armisen ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. ♪ >> seth: welcome to "late night. how is everybody doing tonight oh, you're watching this on your phone in the bathroom while hiding from your kids? that's so great. in that case, let's get to the

. >> jimmy: hi, everyone it's jimmy fallon. welcome to another edition of "the tonight show," at home edition. today is friday. and i know every day kind of feels the same a little bit, but today kind of feels like a a friday again first time in a long time, i think. you know and it's been a week it's been, you know, a lot of time, but i have no plan for the weekend. normally, i'm pumping it up. let's go to the beach. let's go to the play we'll do something, and then we'll have a play date, we'll do this, we'll do that nothing, i got nothing so the kids have that to look forward to absolutely nothing this weekend. we're staying at home like we're supposed to do and it's kind of fun in a weird way. it's freeing i'm actually happy to be here, lucky to be here and safe. that's what i'm going to do. and i'm going to try not to overthink everything and take every day one day at a time. i thank you all for watching i thank nbc for airing this. youtube for airing it on youtube as well for the people that don't have cable or tv. they c

jimmy: cisco. wait, desp - despacito! >> yes [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god [ laughter ] oh, my god [ laughter ] millie, i love you so much thank you so much for coming on the show >> thank you so much >> jimmy: you are the greatest guys, donate to unicef.org you are the coolest. i love you, love you, love you >> thank you bye >> jimmy: bye, pal thank you. ♪ poppy come quick! something big... has arrived. [ screaming ] ♪ tiny diamond is my name ♪ my whole body's made of glitter ♪ ♪ and i'll throw it in your face ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you guys again for watching "the tonight show" at home edition. i want to thank pharrell williams. oh, my goodness. you're really standing at attention. [ laughter ] you're really serious. you're like a nutcracker or like a soldier you are standing at attention. [ laughter ] >> i'm pretending like i'm london >> try not to move >> jimmy: oh one of the -- london, like a bobby, like the guards outside >> it's very hard to do. >> jimmy: oh, yeah you're doing

jimmy: it was "no." if you are currently facing we'rfinancial burdens,w normal"" call your state farm agent because we're here to help make this "new" normal, feel just a little more...normal. like a good neighbor, state farm is there.® finding the right words can be tough.n it comes to autism, finding understanding doesn't have to be. together, we can create a kinder, more inclusive world for the millions of people on the autism spectrum. go to autismspeaks.org whoa whoa whoa whoa. the capital one quicksilver card does not need a dog and pony show. quicksilver is simple. it's unlimited, 1.5% cash back on every purchase, with no annual fee. no need to jump through any crazy hoops. will someone tell fido he can cool it with the hoops? the capital one quicksilver card. what's in your wallet? they're droppin' balloons. the xfinity my account app puts you in control with digital tools to give you the help you need when you need it. get fast and easy answers with personalized help 24 hours a day, 7 days a we

>> jimmy: what? >> daddy! >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. the judges say you're right, congratulations, guys! you win a million jellybeans, so that's how it goes. who wants to be a millionaire. now in the family hour,8:00/7:00 central on abc starting this week, we'll be right back. ♪ >> diarrhea! >> yuck! >> diarrhea! diarrhea! >> yuck! >> diarrhea! >> yuck! ♪ ♪ hold on ♪ don't fight your war alone ♪ ♪ halo around you ♪ don't have to face it on your own ♪ ♪ we will win this fight ♪ let all souls be brave ♪ (little girl) [pthank you, love you!g] (neighbors) thank you! thank you! [clinking and applause continues] it's interesting what happens when you treat every little piece of a thing. like it's not just one thing. but everything. because when each part does everything better than ever. imagine what you can do with the sum of those parts. the new dell xps (10th gen intel bong) ♪ >> jimmy: well, that's all the time we have. p i want to thank anthony anderson and apologize to matt damon. hey, kids, what do you think of

♪ ♪ pa-da-pa, pa-da-pa, pa ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live >> from his house! >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel. i'm jimmy kimmel. i try to say my name twice out loud every day now so i don't forget it. which is especially important on what might be the most forgetful day of the year. it's 4/20. not only is it 4/20, it's 4/20/20. this day is so stoned, it's repeating itself. between 4/20 and all the bread people are making, this country has never been more baked than we are today. unfortunately, health experts say smoking pot during the virus crisis is not a good idea. it can irritate the lungs and make you more susceptible to illness. and also, you might eat all the food you hoarded. do we even need marijuana anymore? everyone is sitting on the couch watching netflix and wondering what day it is already. later on, we will be joined by the santa claus of 4/20, mr. snoop dogg. assuming he can get his computer open. you know, on saturday night i was part of a special that aired all over the world. it was called "one world: together at home." i co-hosted with jimmy fallon and stephen colbert. it ra

yeah >> jimmy: oh really? >> octavia was really good friends with tate taylor, our dear friend and great director and he would -- octavia would come to see our shows. and she had, not surprisingly, her laugh is so infectious and it's so great, that our shows would go better. so then we're like, "you have to get your friend to come back." >> jimmy: we'll pay her. >> nobody would want to go do a show unless she was in the audience, cause everybody laughed more and then that was it we've been stuck together ever since, delightfully. >> jimmy: you guys are teaming up, you're going to be in a film together written by your husband, ben falcone >> that's true >> jimmy: a very talented guy. when is it coming out? do we know do we know what it's about >> can you imagine if we shot it and we had no idea -- >> jimmy: the first improvised film >> no, it was -- it's coming out on netflix, and i can't -- it will be out next year, cause he's still in post it's called "thunder force," and octavia and i are life long friends t

hello, jim. >> hi, jimmy, it's very nice to see you. >> jimmy: very nice to see you, too. i assume this is a bedroom in your home? >> this is a bedroom. i've taken it over as an office, yes. >> jimmy: are you a neat freak? i don't know why, but i would imagine you would be. >> i grew into one. i was a terrible slob through most of college and a lot of my early 20s, and i finally got my crap together as they say, and since doing that, it's become very important to me. i've not, i've not adjusted well to a virus running around the world. it's made me, it's added cleanliness to my neatness and i feel a little neurotic. >> jimmy: interesting. >> yeah. >> jimmy: so you were neat and dirty. and now you're neat and clean. in the past you were just sloppy and dirty. >> my husband always accused me of stacks. he's like, i can't take your stacks anymore. i would neaten things up, but it was just a stack of my stuff. and to me, that was fine. that drove him nuts. >> jimmy: that's what i do, too, and that's best case scenario that i put everything in a stack. how are you guys splittin

. >> jimmy: hello. can you see me i'm hiding i'm going to be hiding for the whole episode of "the tonight show at home edition" tonight. let's see if you can - oh, did see me move? did you see -- did you see? just kidding hi, everybody, all-new "tonight show at home edition" starts now. ♪ >> steve: tonight join jimmy and his guests shailene woodley maluma musical guest thom yorke and the legendary the roots. ♪ it's the "tonight show at home edition. ♪ and now, here's jimmy. >> jimmy: hey, everyone, welcome to "tonight show at home edition." this is the hidden episode because we tried to make the space into a room where we might do some jokes from but the acoustics are pretty bad and the lighting isn't great the wallpaper's great for what the room normally is but not for this so we tried to make it look like a set up but it is not a set up anyways, so this is kid of a a hidden episode because we'll never shoot like this ever again. this will be the first and last time we broadcast from this exact s

shirley goose right here. >> jimmy: wow. >> hello, jimmy. >> jimmy: is there a gas leak in the house? >> that is actually a good question. because i've never seen them like this ever. i have never seen this like you're witnessing right now. >> jimmy: they're showmen. they're show dogs is what it is. i like you that -- you know, my daughter's 5 years old, and every day at her class they have like a schmo tell kind of thing. it's kind of like, this actually. they all get on the internet. and they show their things. >> well, i have a little kind of collectible item that i can use for show and tell right now. >> jimmy: that would be great. we'd love to see what you collect. >> yeah? okay. >> jimmy: yeah, of course. >> follow me into my kitchen, jimmy. >> dogs, calm down. >> jimmy: you have a beautiful home. >> don't go crazy. you all stay right there. you be good. i swear to god, it's like they're on drugs. i've never seen anything like this. >> jimmy: they're resting up for the amazon guy. >> yes. exactly. so my show and tell i'm going to share with you today, i collect coffee mugs. >> j

right now on jimmy kimmel live. ♪ ba, da, ba, ba, da, ba, ba, da,ba ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live ♪ this is ridiculous. from his house! >> jimmy: hello and welcome to my home. i'm dr. sanjay gupta. i think. right? i could be him. i'm honestly not sure anymore. i'm in a house doing a show, to no one. i'm starting to understand why mr. rogers started using puppets. a special hello to those of you who watched the disney family sing along tonight. i don't know about you, but for me every day is a disney family sing along. today marks one full month since kids have been home from school here in los angeles. more than anything, i miss that rush of endorphins you feel when the car door slams shut, and you peel out of the preschool parking lot like a hazzard. my cousin sal and his wife decided they're sending their kids back to school on may 1st no matter what. even if it's closed. if it's closed, they can hang out by the hopscotch area until three o'clock. there is word now that students may take the sat and act tests from home this year. wow, if only felicity huffman had waited -- what does a college accept

jimmy had cracked the case. mission accomplished. >> once you see the map, the falcons, you want to tell the fbi about it, right? >> i did. i went to the hotline i had for the fbi girl. i called. i got some type of voice recording, it was after hours. >> so jimmy left a message for his fbi contact to come get him, the map, and the falcons. his freedom and the answers to tricia's parents' prayers were now just hours away. >> i was elated. i felt i wrapped this up. >> you're expecting troops to come marching in. >> expecting the troops to come marching in. and didn't quite work that way. >> what he couldn't know was his fbi contact didn't get his voice mail, and his one inside contact, the chief psychiatrist, was on vacation. >> then you get a little full of yourself, didn't you? >> i did. i went back to my cell, was really happy. i thought, you know what? 24 hours they said they'd have me out of here, i got what they need, this is it. so i went across so his cell over there. >> impulsively, jimmy decided he could

>> no. >> jimmy: yopaus >> no, i had something in my eye. >> jimmy: you paused >> jimmy: what's your favorite thing about having me home so much >> i have someone that passes out on the floor every night like me. >> jimmy: gary, would you like that give a shout out to anyone? >> yeah, i'd like to give a shout out to everyone working through this pandemic. >> jimmy: that was so sweet. thank you. >> no, no, not you, jimmy. i'm talking about the real heroes, all the nurses and doctors and people working in grocery stores and the delivery men and women. they're risking their lives to save ours. >> jimmy: of course. ♪ >> no, seriously did you eat six pizzas last night? >> jimmy: i always wondered what gary's voice sounded like. did you know who that was? #whoisgary thank you so much for talking to me, gary i think. we'll be back with more "tonight show" at home edition. ♪ a prepaid plan to help keep america connected. starting at just $15 a month, it gives flexibility for uncertain times. visit t-mobile.com/connect to learn more. you can also manage your account, and make payments onl

> jimmy: a uni-cat. she's created a new animal >> that's the new character on the show the uni-cat. i love the uni-cat we love the uni-cat. >> jimmy: the uni-cat can be the new thing. >> the uni-cat is the new thing. you just got to cut the mouth out and then let the uni-cat -- whatever the uni-cat wants to talk about, the uni-cat can talk about i love it. >> jimmy: all right. that's -- see, that's -- already, i'm inspired. i also grabbed -- i grabbed a drawing that i drew when i was a kid. i got -- i put -- this is called peace >> that's hilarious. you got the black dude and - [ laughter ] i love it. i love it. >> jimmy: i only got a good. >> you only got a good wow, that's funny. you only got good. i think it's pretty good, actually >> jimmy: come on, peace peace is great >> i like that >> jimmy: how about this can do one for you >> all right all right, i'll play with you. >> jimmy: find me the last pair of sneakers you wore 1-1,000. 2-1,000. 3-1,000. 4-1,000. oh, he did it. what are those ones? >> tho

♪ ♪ yeah ♪ yeah >> jimmy! >> jimmy: still the king. >> oh, sorry. >> jimmy: there's more? >> i got some wires >> i got some wires crisscrossed. >> jimmy: i hope that was one of your sons. either that or there are random children wandering around your house. >> that was my boy tommy. getting in on the act. mega blaster. >> jimmy: jack, when i was a kid growing up in brooklyn, there was a kid named tommy black who lived around the block and he used to beat me up every single time he saw me. that's true. >> no kidding. wow. you had a little flashback? >> jimmy: yeah. tommy black and eddie fahey. you don't have an eddie fahey living there, do you? >> no eddie fahey. but let me say eddie, tommy, the ones who terrorized jimmy, turn over a new leaf. if you haven't already. i'm sure you have. >> jimmy: jack, i very much, as many people did, enjoyed the video you made for tik tok. that dance really i think set the planet on fire. in a good way. >> you know, honestly, i feel like that's the one thing i can do to contribute during this tough time. if i can -- i'm still out of breath

it's crazy, jimmy. when i was watching it, i was like wondering like who was filming -- who was filming this back in the day? like they got mj riding a bike going on college i'm like, "who's filming this? how did they get this footage? it's crazy >> jimmy: it's so wild to see those old, you know, photos even of jordan with the gold chains and - >> yes double -- double gold chains, yes. yes. >> jimmy: i mean, i was like, "oh, my gosh." i mean, do you have any jordan stories? >> you know what i do i have a very interesting one. so, the first time i had an opportunity to meet michael jordan, i kind of, like, saw -- i probably was about -- jimmy, i would say 10 or 11, maybe i went to michael jordan camp. so, my parents took me to michael jordan camp in santa barbara.brg something for michael jordan could sign you need to stand in line. you need to be ready to go so when it was my team, my team was up to get a basketball to sign my parents gave me a basketball to get signed. i don't know why -- what i was th

now. ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" from my house. tomorrow night seth rogen will be with us. tonight, a man of multiple talents, he's been on tv since before he was born, season three of his great show "ozark" is on netflix now, say hello to jay-bay. jason bateman. >> are we doing this right now or is this rehearsal? let's just do rehearsal, and i'll get the makeup done and. >> jimmy: i'm really enjoying your hair. it really has taken full command of your head. >> first shower in four weeks. >> jimmy: you're usually a very hygienic person, yes? >> i am. this hasn't been super uncomfortable for me, as far as the extra steps one needs to go through to comply with, you know, the hygiene requests, the hand washing and sprinting from somebody about to sneeze, i've got all those moves down. >> jimmy: do you have a hand washing ritual that you can share with us? >> i, well, 20 seconds is not a problem for me, for starters. the big one that i incorporated was, and i learned this from mr. leonardo dicaprio in the, what do you call it, movie,

table 7. ♪ "jimmy kimmel live" from his house. >> i have a new e-mail, hello aa jim jimmy kimmel.com. i want arkansas a happy it anniversary. thank you for watching, now please, get out of my house before i call the police. >>> this is "nightline." >> tonight, the open and shut case. states gambling on getting back to business in the middle of a pandemic. steps toward normalcy in texas. >> if anything our parents caught us, we're not quitters. >> and in georgia, the rewards and risks of opening. >> we have to take this risk. >> as small business owners in new york fear an end to the lockdown. >> i don't think we should open before we really feel it's safe to open. >> balancing fear for their leechs with t lives with the struggle to sustain their business. >> he built a coffee shop into a

♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" from my house. if you watched the nfl draft on abc you know it was a big night for joe burrow. but getting drafted from home is a tricky thing. it takes special equipment. he called two of our nation's most respected athletes to get ready, russell wilson and guillermo. >> what's up, guillermo? >> are you excited about the draft? you will be getting a seat at the computer wearing your bose head phones 700. and i will help you with your draft reaction. >> my reaction? >> guillermo: yeah, when they announce your name. i have a guy who's going to help me, mr. russell wilson. i announce and you react. >> turn on the advanced noise canceling features on your headphones, so nothing distracts you. >> guillermo: you read my mind! my team selects joe burrow! >> let's go, yes! >> brutal. >> no, joe. >> guillermo: more passion. >> joe burrow! >> yes, i did it, i did it. >> guillermo: joe, leave the acting to the security guards. >> how about a lasso. >> yee-haw! >> jump in the box. ooh, ooh. >> that's not it, j

. >> his house. >> jimmy: hello, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of this. thank you for watching. special thanks for all the online criticisms of my home. keep 'em coming. they're really helpful. this is kind of funny. i guess this is the bright side of the "stay at home" order. i got an email from costco today, saying they had a package, and the delivery window was from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. a seven-hour delivery window. and for the first time maybe in my life, i was like "no problem. in fact, if you need to stretch it to six, 6:30-midnight, fine, you don't even have to let me know. i will be sitting right here. by the door. waiting for you." people have been staying at home and ordering stuff. this is good. this actually happened to me once, with a 26 foot moving truck someone captured this on their ring camera. an amazon delivery guy forgot to put his truck in park, and then he brought the item to the door. and was pretty relaxed, until he's pretty relaxed. rings the bell. even walking back to the truck, pretty relaxed. until, he r

>> jimmy: aunt chippy? >> jimmy? >> jimmy: what's wrong? >> i got these [ bleep ] guys painting the house orange. >> jimmy: what? what is this, a joke? >> jimmy, did you have something to do with this? why are you calling me? you little bastard. if you did this, i will [ bleep ] kill you. won't live to see 40, i promise you. >> jimmy: how dare you insinuate that i would have anything to do with ts. >> jimmy, nobody speaks english, they've got a truck parked on my lawn, and my house is orange. >> jimmy: put them on the phone, i have guillermo here, i'll get him to translate. >> what are you doing! painting the tree! [ bleep ] [ speaking in spanish ] >> don't you touch that [ bleep ] tree, i'll kill you. which one of you, wants to speak to somebody who speaks spanish. they're painting the [ bleep ] tree! i'm whyi i'm going to paint you, you [ bleep ] i'll kill you. i'm out here with these [ bleep ]s. one is on top of my roof and he won't get down and take his truck off my lawn. >> jimmy: hold on. let me put guillermo on with them. guillermo,

>> jimmy: beautiful baby >> thank you, this is jake >> jimmy: by jake. ooh, nancy beautiful memory >> this is from @girlysunglasses >> ooh, i just took my sunglasses off >> jimmy: nancy, what did you think of jimmy when you first met him on the set of "fever pitch" which is - >> um, i thought, i first met jimmy, actually, on snl. and i'd gone in. i'm producing partners with drew barrymore and she was on the show that week and she and jimmy were practicing a sketch, and i crept in and i kind of crept in quietly. and all of a sudden, jimmy goes, "hey, nancy, you're nancy, hi, it's so nice to meet you, welcome. and i felt just so embraced and like cool, thank you for welcoming me in. this is so nice, it's so intimidating so i had that thought from years before going in. and then - >> jimmy: cause it can be intimidating if you go to "saturday night live" and don't know anybody >> so intimidating and i had no reason to be there anyway so -- but then on the set we were on location, and that really creates this like camp feel for everybody. and -- hi. and he wa

jimmy. i'm bleeding pretty bad. >> jimmy: all right, guys. we'll check in with you later. >> steve: oh my god. who turned the lights out? >> jimmy: hey guys, we're all looking for ways to connect with our friends during these times so we wanted to play a fun game that we love, that i love, called "quiplash." you can play with up to eight people, and we got some friends to join in, and the makers of "quiplash," jackbox games said that they will match up to $25,000 if you donate to redcross.org let's play some quiplash alright, welcome to my "quiplash" game, tonight we're playing with kenan thompson, whitney cummings and melissa villasenor >> woohoo. >> jimmy: thank you guys so much for playing this here's how the game works for everyone at home on our phones we're going to get a series of fill in the blank style prompts like, "a good name for a pirate singles bar is blank. then we'll each secretly type on our phone the funniest answer that we can think of on the spot when we're done, two answ

. ♪ ba, da,ba ♪ "jimmy kimmel live" this is ridiculous. from his house! >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. hello again to those who joined me earlier tonight on "who wants to be a millionaire." thank you for watching that. we are beaming to you from my house, which is where i spend every minute of my life now. my closest friends are pillows now. if nothing else, this experience of being cooped up has taught me that i would never survive in space. three days into the mission, i'd be in the escape pod trying to find a costco on the moon. this is a big day for the planet. today is earth day. the 50th and final earth day. here in l.a., not long after the clock struck midnight last night, we got hit with an earthquake. i was in bed. the earth got up early and woke everyone up like a five year old does on her birthday. i will say though, it was scary because the epicenter was close by, but it was kind of refreshing to worry about being killed by something else for a change. donald trump celebrated mother nature today with a shovel. the president, first lady a

>> jimmy: carl hemple. you were carl. >> ah, there goes maple. say hi to jimmy. see, i keep her outside. that way there's more food for me inside the house. right? >> jimmy: hi, maple. watch out for rodents. there she goes. one more, here we go. a teenaged musician goes on the run from killers, and the police when he returns home to find his house empty and his family gone. >> you're pulling a lot from the bill payer side of the ledger. this was called "crossing the mob", i think or "moving target." >> jimmy: "moving target." >> "crossing the mob" is probably next. >> jimmy: not only, we have a clip from "moving target." here we go. >> toby kellogg's been away from his family. >> while i was gone, they moved. >> he's being chased by the cops and hunted by the mob. and he's got to find his family before a killer does. >> where's my family? >> jason bateman is "a moving target." >> not only am i in a deep sweat, but you and i are in a fight. >> jimmy: jason, you've chosen as your charity tonight, i'll be making a donation to direct relief, which is not an antacid.

. >> jimmy: thirsty thursday. >> guillermo: that's right, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you. last week, guillermo gave us a good tip on how to celebrate thirsty thursday. i want to see if you have another one tonight. people are looking for reasons to drink. >> guillermo: yes, jimmy, i have one. this one's for easter, okay? >> jimmy: okay, what is it? >> guillermo: first you bring a chocolate bunny. then you break the ears off like this. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> guillermo: then you bring the tequila, then you pour the tequila in. >> jimmy: okay. >> guillermo: then you drink it. >> jimmy: and what is that concoction called, guillermo? >> guillermo: the easter bunny is drunk. >> jimmy: all right, very catchy, i like it. don't accidently put that in your son's basket on sunday, okay? >> guillermo: no, i won't, i promise. >> jimmy: easter, as you know, or you may not know, we don't know anything nowadays, is sunday. and it's the second week of passover. i know people who are having dinners that are very weird. it's odd to end a family holiday dinner by pressing "leave meeting." it do

. >> jimmy: hey, everyone. welcome to "tonight show: at home edition." how cool was that? we have a new opening. we have a brand new theme. we're evolving we're growing. thank you to chris tartera and everyone from the animation studio that put that together. that was awesome thank you guys so much for watching our show. i appreciate it. here we are, week seven, i want to say, in new york. this is week seven of quarantine and we're doing our part we're staying at home. if we have to go out for anything essential we wear masks. we're doing the whole thing. i know some places are slowly opening, reopening take your time do it right. ♪ baby we can do it take your time do it right ♪ so yeah, do it right and remember, this is a marathon, not a race so, let's take care of each other. we got a ways to go and we're going to do this all right. let's start with some jokes. welcome to "the tonight show: at home edition. let's get to some news in a new interview dr. deborah birx said that we're going to have a social d

jimmy >> hi, jimmy >> jimmy: hi, buddy, nice to see you, man >> this is barrett all right, we gonna go do it - >> jimmy: hi, barrett. >> yeah? okay, you got to get set up, and we got to tell mr. jimmy what the trick shot is okay all right. here, you get -- i got some balls for you right there. >> don't hold your breath on this one, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> trick shot! >> trust shot. >> it's live >> oh! >> jimmy: oh [ laughter ] >> we got a clayton kershaw on our hands. >> that's amazing. >> he's a natural. he's an ace. >> wow >> hey, the future generation is secure. we're in a good -- >> i got to tell you, like 30 balls in that basket, 'cause i did not see it going that way. >> jimmy: oh my gosh, you are awesome, buddy that was fantastic >> i want to see you challenge a kid or have a -- you get involved in a trust shot >> jimmy: oh, i -- oh no uh-oh, what are you guys doing here oh -- you guys >> yeah, i like the direction -- >> jimmy: would you guys like to do a trust shot all right, winnie, franny, you go over here all right -- oops. >> sorry [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you wanted one, you

jimmy: welcome back to jimmy kimmel live from his house. greetings from my "no escape room." you know exactly four years ago to the day we aired an instructional video on our show that has suddenly become very relevant again. we met with a specialist in infectious diseases from the mayo clinic. doctor poland flew all the way out from minnesota to teach me and guillemo the right way to wash our hands. ♪ >> jimmy: this is dr. poland. you came all the way from the mayo clinic. >> in rochester, minnesota. >> jimmy: this is ridiculous. to teach us how to wash our hands. >> yeah, because almost no one knows how to do it. >> jimmy: he wants to learn, too. did you wash your hands? >> we just traded some bacteria. >> jimmy: great. we're off to a terrible start. >> we're going to put some stuff on the palm of your hand that mimics what it would be like to have bacteria on your hand. just want you to rub that all over your hands. i'm going to do the same thing. the reason to do this is if you wash your hands properly, you can prevent about two colds

thank you. ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live" from my house. make sure to join us next week with both thor and spiderman, chris hemsworth and tom holland. we'll have music from eob. and on monday 4/20 we will be joined by snoop dogg. do you think he'll be able to turn his webcam on on 4/20? speaking of 4/20, my guest tonight was hunkered down long before the government ordered him to be. he loves pot and pottery. please say hello to seth rogen. seth, thank you for checking in. >> yeah, man, no problem. >> jimmy: how have you been? >> i'm okay, just cooped up at home-like everyone else. how are you holding up? >> jimmy: a little stir-crazy, but i'm doing okay. you know, with the kids here. >> macaroni and cheese, lots of ramen, stuff like that. >> jimmy: sorry, what? >> i do have enough toilet paper. worse comes to worse, i have a box of mclovin tee shirts in my garage from 2007. i can use those. >> jimmy: i didn't ask about toilet paper. seth, can you hear me? seth? >> yo, hey, how's it going? >> jimmy: hey. were you playing a prerecorded video

thanks, jimmy. >> jimmy: how cool was that? we actually got word from tim cook's people to say we could disclose how much money they donated and that is $10 million already. we're off to a great start, everybody. "one world together at home" airs april 18th. more tonight show after the break, stick around. more tonight show after the break, stick around. ♪ e*trade core portfolios is an easy, automated way to get invested. we'll save you time by building, monitoring and managing a portfolio for you and provide all hands-on deck support when you need it- helping you become top dog. ♪ (vo) command picture hanging strips hold strong and remove cleanly. command. do. no harm. subway is still serving the subs delicious subs made fresh and easy to get for takeout or delivery. and now, with our family takeout special, get a free footlong when you buy two. ♪ my psoriasis. cosentyx works on all of this. cosentyx treats the multiple symptoms of psoriatic arthritis to help you look and feel better. don't use if you're allergic to cose

>> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy kimmel. i'm the host of this house. the reason i look like a my little pony is that today, in case you aren't aware, was supposed to be take your kid to work day, which is kind of every day for a lot of us now. they were originally planning to rename it "take your kids to the breakfast nook for a zoom meeting with no pants on day" for this year only, but decided to leave it alone. so, my daughter jane did my makeup tonight. are you going to do it? >> eye shadow. >> jimmy: eye shadow, ah-oh. >> yeah. oh, my gosh. ha, ha. you should look at yourself when you're done, okay? >> jimmy: mm-hm. i will. do i look beautiful? >> you look like a girl! >> jimmy: what do you think, guillermo, do i look like a girl? >> guillermo: a little bit, yeah. you look beautiful. >> jimmy: thank you, very much. and thank you, jane. who knew my color palette was jolly rancher. tonight was also round one of the nfl draft. it was supposed to be a big live event in vegas. but because of the coronavirus, they did a virtual draft with the players and

nice ring, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you. i'm kind of a jewelry dude >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: i'm into that stuff. thank you. i'm very -- i love you guys. and be safe and hugs to the family, okay and hopefully we get to hug each other in real life as well >> yes, absolutely thanks, man. >> jimmy: can't wait to see you soon >> thanks, man >> jimmy: thanks guys. >> stay sane >> jimmy: you too, you too ♪ how fast does dove dry spray actually dry? ♪ let's see. it's dry. there's no dry time! makes us wonder why we booked fifteen-second ad slots! dries instantly and keeps you protected for forty-eight-hours. ♪ "ok, so, magnificent mile for me!" i thought i was managing... ...my moderate to severe crohn's disease. yes! until i realized something was missing... ...me. you ok, sis? my symptoms kept me- -from being there for my sisters. "...flight boarding for flight 2007 to chicago..." so i talked to my doctor and learned- ...humira is for people who still have symptoms of crohn's disease after trying other medications. an

. >> jimmy: hello again. it's jimmy, again. in my house, again. this is day 43. i think. i'm not sure. guillermo, what day is this? how long have we been in quarantine now? >> guillermo: i think 41 days. >> jimmy: all i know, this is officially the longest i've stayed inside since the womb. how depressing to be a senior, you don't get to graduate or do all the fun stuff. there's a new thing they're doing called "isolation proms" where all the kids get dressed up and dance over video chat. which is ok i guess. i guess it's better than nothing. when i was in high school, i had an "isolation prom" too. everyone else went to the prom. i stayed home and played my clarinet. and while we may be isolated, it would seem we are not alone. as if we didn't have enough to worry about right in the middle of this, at the moment we are totally focused on the virus and quarantine and whether or not we should be mainlining lysol, the pentagon releases official video of ufos. that's right. what you are about to see are ufos. they are unidentified flying objects that no one, not even the pil